Lady Voldemorg's Playwrights
by Comix and Co
Summary: The Ministry want to close down Hogwarts unless Hogwarts creates an attraction... What will one bright Muggleborn do? T to be safe ON HIATUS DUE TO WRITERS BLOCK
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One: The Ministry's Regulations**

**A/N: One night in America, a young girl on holiday had a nightmare about a clown, which she found a) odd since she isn't afraid of clowns, and b) very frightening. So frightening that she couldn't get back to sleep. So, what does this young girl do? Turn on her tiny laptop and write a sort of funny story as requested by a few of her reviewers! So, my dear readers, based on my creation of a female Voldemort, and a play I wrote thrice in my story HVD, Lady Voldemorg's Playwrights.**

Hermione's POV

Me, Harry and Ron sat in the bustling Great Hall. Harry was helping Neville with some Charms work, Ron was stuffing his face, and I was drawing. I was absentmindfedly doodling a character I'd made up: a female version of Voldemort, called Lady Voldemorg. I was just etching the swift folds of her velvet black cloak when a school owl swooped down in froont of us. I took the letter off his leg- it was adressed to all three of us!

"Hey Harry, Ron, look at this!" I gasped, and began to read it aloud. "Dear Harry, Ron and Hermione, Some things to do with the welfare of the school have come to my attention, and I need you help. Don't forget your Red Vines, they always help at a time like this. -Albus Dumbledore."

"Well what are we waiting for? Lets go!" Harry nodded, standing up.

"Wait there, let me finish my chocolate cake... and my cupcake... and my Hershey's bar..." Ron said, still stuffing his face. I rolled my eyes. Trust Ron to continue with his food at a time like this.

"Hurry up Ron, this could be really important!" I snapped.

"Fine, fine." He sighed, picking up his remaining cupcake. I'm coming." We quickly made our way up to Dumbledore's office.

"Password?" asked the gargoyle when we arrived.

"Uh..." I turned to Harry, "Do you know the password?"

"No," He shrugged, "Check in the letter to see if he wrote it."

"Okay." I scanned through the letter, "Um... Red Vines?" I guessed at random. The gargoyle nodded and turned to reveal a accending staircase. We all hopped on. When we arrived in Dumbledore's office, he was sitting down behind his desk with a High School Musical top on, humming 'Can't Dance'.

"Ah, Harry, Ron, Hermione, sit down." Dumbledore nodded when he saw us. "Enjoying that cupcake, Ron?"

"Wan' shum?" Ron mumbled, mouth full, spewing cupcake crumbs everywhere.

"Um... Not right now," Dumbledore declined. "I've called you all here about a very grave matter." I felt Ron's gaze on me. I turned, and he looked confused.

"Something is wrong." I translated.

"Exactly. The Ministry of Magic contacted me earlier, and informed me I was flouting one of their school regulations. I have to interact with parents and the wizard population by the end of the year, or they will shut us down."

"Mione?"

"He said: The ministry will close Hogwarts unless Dumbledore creates something that will bring wizards to Hogwarts."

"Correct. Ron, Harry, Hermione, I need your help. We need to work out something that can bring wizards and students together soon, so the ministry won't shut us down."

"How about a Quidditch Tournament?" Harry suggested, ever the flyer.

"Harry we already have a Quidditch Tournament," I pointed out. "Apparently it wasn't good enough for them."

"I got nothing." Ron shrugged.

"And what about you, Miss Granger? Do you have any ideas?" All eyes were on me. I nervously fingered my Voldemog picture in my poket. If only we could show Lady V to the world, in a play or something, I'm sure they'd all love her...

"Oh my Voldemorg I've got it!" I yelled, jumping up. "We'll perform a play!"

"A play? What one did you have in mind?" Dumbledore wondered.

"One a student has written themselves." I gasped, "I have a main character, a plot of some sort... But I'll need a bunch of people to help me act it out."

"Well, Hermione, if you write the story, Hogwarts will let you perform it."

**A/N: Yay! Finally I'm putting this up!**

**1. Did you like?**

**2. Is it humorous? I'm not to sure...**

**3. What will happen next?**

**Please review!**

**Comix**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two: Starting the Audtitions**

**A/N: Hi guys, sorry this has been so long! To make up for it, I will post BOTH of the completed chapters today. This won't be funny either, but I had to put it in so everyone could know my character names, and approve.**

Hermione's POV

I stood infront of the massive crowd. Turns out that most Hufflepuff's and Ravenclaws like acting. There were loads of people, enough to have understudies for almost every character.

"Okay, hi, my name is Hermione Granger," I called to the people, "Most of you will have heard by now that, if we don't create an attraction, the Ministry will shut us down." There were boos. "So I decided we could make a bunch of plays and act them out." Murmurs of approval, "They're following the years of Harry Potter, but parodied somewhat. It'll all start in the third year, because that year had a tremendous plot line, do you not agree?" Everyone laughed, "Plus, a little character of my own. People of Hogwarts, I give to you, Lady Voldemorg!" I pulled down a curtain behind me to show a life-size version of Lady Voldemorg. "This, ladies and gentlemen, is the female version of Voldemort, and the main villain in the plays." There were gasps. "Now before we try out, shall I read out a little bit of the first play for you?" There were murmurs of approval so I read out the first scene of the first play. "What did you think?" I asked when it was finished. There was applause and a few laughs. "I know it isn't very funny yet, but hopefully I'll get most genre's in the plays. Now then, onto the characters. I could only chose a few main characters from each house, the most well known characters, so here they are!" I unvieled another board, this time with all the characters on.

**In Gerbador:**

Harry Potter... **Hal (Hally) Plodder**  
>Ron Weasley... <strong>Roland (Rol) Stoatly<strong>  
>Ginny Weasley... <strong>Gwendoline (Gwenny) Stoatly<strong>  
>Fred and George Weasley... <strong>Frank and Gerry Stoatly<strong>  
>Pery Weasley... <strong>Preston Stoatly<strong>  
>Hermione Granger... <strong>Hermia Agrarius<strong>  
>Neville Longbottom... <strong>Ned Tinyhead<strong>  
>Collin Creevey... <strong>Corin Creepy<strong>  
>Dennis Creevey... <strong>Dexter Creepy<strong>  
>Oliver Wood... <strong>Oscar Foresst<strong>  
>Lavander Brown... <strong>Tulip Redd<strong>  
>Parvati Patil... <strong>Pippa Petal<strong>  
>Lee Jordan... <strong>Lionel (Li) Thames<strong>

**In Snufflepuffle:**

Cedric Diggory... **Edward Deadory**  
>Susan Bones... <strong>Suzanne Loans<strong>  
>Hannah Abbot... <strong>Hayleigh Parish<strong>  
>Justin Finch-Fletchly... <strong>Dustin Robins-Jackson<strong>  
>Ernie Macmillan... <strong>Edmund (Eddie) MacDonalds<strong>

**In Slythayring:**

Draco Malfoy... **Drake Lucas Malloy**  
>Vincent Crabbe... <strong>Victor Lobster<strong>  
>Gregory Goyle... <strong>Grant Boyle<strong>  
>Astoria Greengrass... <strong>Acantha Yellowbush<strong>  
>Daphne Greengrass... <strong>Danielle Yellowbush<strong>  
>Pansy Parkinson... <strong>Rose Streetinsons<strong>  
>Marcus Flint... <strong>Magnus Splint<strong>  
>Blaise Zabini... <strong>Blaine Zambini<strong>  
>Theo Nott... <strong>Edward (Ted, Teddy) Bow<strong>

**In Eagletalon:**

Luna Lovegood... **Lena Nobleheart**  
>Padma Patil... <strong>Penny Petal<strong>  
>Cho Chang... <strong>Callie Lynne<strong>  
>Terry Boot... <strong>Teddy Lace<strong>  
>Lisa Turpin... <strong>Lindsay Turnip<strong>

**Teachers**

Albus Percival Wilfric Brian Dumbledore... **Alan Phillip William Benedict Dunderbore**  
>Pomena Sprout... <strong>Patricia Carrots<strong>  
>Minerva McGonagal... <strong>Minnie McGoogle<strong>  
>Severus Snape... <strong>Sampson Snake<strong>  
>Filius Flitwick... <strong>Flyyn Fritzlick<strong>  
>Sybil Trewalany... <strong>Sable Tee-Twany<strong>  
>Poppy Pomfrey... <strong>Pandora Pompoms<strong>  
>Pince... <strong>Prince<strong>  
>Rubeus Hagrid... <strong>Raymond Handbid<strong>  
>Remus Lupin... <strong>Romulous Lupus (Luny)<strong>

**Villains**

Voldemort... **Lady Voldemorg**  
>Nagini the Snake... <strong>Natalie the Snake<strong>  
>Lucius Malfoy... <strong>Lucian Malloy<strong>  
>Wormtail (Peter Pettigrew)... <strong>Ratface (Percy Petticoat)<strong>  
>Antonin Dolahov... <strong>Andrew Dollophavs<strong>  
>Rookwood... <strong>Ravenforest<strong>  
>Travers... <strong>Tractors<strong>  
>Bellatrix... <strong>Strangetrix Le Belle<strong>  
>Rodolphus... <strong>Rudolph<strong>  
>Avery... <strong>Birdseed<strong>

**Others**

Sirius Black... **Simon Grey (Softpad)**  
>Cornelius Fudge... <strong>Carlton Tofee<strong>  
>Ronan the centaur... <strong>Don the faun<strong>  
>Buckbeak the hippogriff... <strong>Witherwings the Alligator<strong>  
>Hedwig... <strong>Hilda<strong>  
>Scabbers... <strong>Scarhead<strong>  
>Arthur Weasley... <strong>Arty Stoatly<strong>  
>Molly Weasley... <strong>Melinda Stoatly<strong>  
>Bill Weasley... <strong>Brook Stoatly<strong>  
>Charlie Weasley... <strong>Calvin Stoatly<strong>  
>Narcissia Malfoy... <strong>Larcissa Malloy<strong>  
>Dudley Dursley... <strong>Douglas (Doug) Dumbsby<strong>  
>Petunia Dursley... <strong>Prisilla Dumbsby<strong>  
>Vernon Dursley... <strong>Van Dumbsby<strong>  
>Marge Dursley... <strong>Mona Dumbsby<strong>  
>Ripper (Marge's dog)... <strong>Tipper (Mona's cow with rabies)<strong>  
>Tom Riddle (In case of any flashbacks...)... <strong>Morgana Tasmin Riddle<br>**Stan Shunpike... **Scott Pushcarp**  
>Ernie Prang... <strong>Elden Fang<strong>  
>Tom the Bartender... <strong>Tim the Bartender<strong>

**Dead Peoples**

James Potter... **Joseph Plodder (Spanner)**  
>Lily Potter... <strong>Lila Plodder, nee Evers<strong>

**Ghosts**

Moaning Myrtle... **Sighing Sally**  
>Nearly Headless Nick... <strong>Nearly Legless Laurance<strong>  
>Bloody Baron... <strong>The Gory Goul<strong>  
>The Grey Lady... <strong>The Blue Girl<strong>  
>The Fat Friar... <strong>The Thin Pastor<strong>  
>Peeves... <strong>Paddy<strong>

Everyone laughed at my cleverness at the re-naming of students.

"If I ever need any more characters, I will create them, and audition them for those who may not get in this time." I told them. "Here with me to judge is Professor Dumbledore, and my two best friends Harry and Ron!" Everyone clapped as another curtain fell down to show a judge's panal. I sat down next to Ron who was eating yet another cupcake. "Okay, you can try out any way you want, in a group, as a single. First of, people who would like to autition as a group! The Potter Puppet Pals, you're up!"

**A/N: Ooh the Potter Puppet Pals! I wonder what that will be like... Oh, and I need your help. There are 78 complete characters in the play. I know for sure 17 people will be in it. I need help to fill in either 22 or 61 parts. Didn't think THAT one through when it was 4 o'clock half a year ago, did I...**

**For sure: Justin, Luna, Lisa, Terry, Melina, Ernie, Livia, Hermione, Ginny, Blaise, Pansy, Draco, Erin, Caitlin (Boy- kind of shy, but when he's on the stage he bursts forth! Possibly Hal...), Cho, Ron, Harry, **


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three: Auditions**

**A/N: Here's the second instalment of the day! In this you get one audition. Then they finish the auditions, because the author didn't have any more audition suggestions, and just wanted to get onto the playmaking because that would be fun. The author will now completley change the play because the author didn't make it good enough, and the author can remember that.**

**Before you start, I'll just mention that Melina and Livia belong to me. Well, technically Livia belongs to herself, since she's one of my friends who insisted she was here, but still. And a recap of the people that the auditioners want to go out for:**

**Lena Nobleheart (Luna Lovegood); Strangetrix Le Belle (Belletrix Lestange); Linsday Turnip (Lisa Turpin); Teddy Lace (Terry Boot); Edward Deadory (Cedric Diggory); Dustin Robins-Jackson (Justin Finch-Fletchly); Lucian Malloy (Lucius Malfoy); Roland Stoatly (Ronald Weasley); Hally Plodder (Harry Potter); Lady Voldemorg (Lord Voldemort); Hermia Agrarius (Hermione Granger); Acantha Yellowbush (Astoria Greengrass); Danielle Yellowbush (Daphne Greengrass); Rose Streetinsons (Pansy Parkinson)**

Hermione's POV

Seven people walked up in various costumes. I tried to recognise them, and suceeded. There were three Ravenclaws, Justin Finch-Fletchly, a girl I didn't recognise, Ernie Macmillain and another girl I didn't recognise.

"Hi, we're here to try out for quite a few parts," Justin said.

"Okay, each of you state your names and who you want to try out for." Dumbledore said.

"Luna Lovegood, auditioning for the part of Lena Nobleheart, or Strangetrix Le Belle."

"Lisa Turpin, auditioning for the part of Linsday Turnip."

"Terry Boot, auditioning for the part of Teddy Lace."

"Justin Finch-Fletchly, auditioning for the part of Edward Deadory, Dustin Robins-Jackson, Lucian Malloy, Roland Stoatly, or Hally Plodder."

"Melina Appledew, auditioning for the part of Lady Voldemorg, and/or Hermia Agrarius."

"Ernie Macmillain, but I don't really care where I go as long as I'm not an animal or a girl."

"Livia, I wanna be Acantha Yellowbush, Danielle Yellowbush or Rose Streetinsons."

"Okay then, you may begin." They nodded and six of them sat down on the floor.

"We are going to start with the Mysterious Ticking Noise." Ernie said, before standing away, "I'm not in this one."

"Hm," Terry Boot stood up, dressed as Snape, "What is that Mysterious Ticking noise? Not over here, not over there, kind of... catchy...

_Snape,  
>Snape,<br>Severus Snape!  
>Snape,<br>Snape,  
>Severus Snape!<em>"

"DUMBLDORE!" Justin shouted, popping up.

"_Snape,  
>Snape,<br>Severus Snape!_"

"DUMBLEDORE!"

"_Ron, Ron, Ron Weasley!_" Carried on Luna. "_Ron, Ron, Ron Weasley!_"

"DUMBLEDORE!"

"_Hermione,_" Livia giggled, "_Hermione! Hermione Hermione Hermione!_"

"_Harry Potter, Harry Potter, HUH!_" Lisa rapped, and Harry burst out laughing at her portrayal of him. "_Harry potter, Harry Potter, that's me! Harry Potter, Harry potter, huh! Harry Potter, Harry Potter that's me!_"

"Snape!"  
>"Harry!"<br>"Snape!"  
>"Harry!"<br>"Snape!"  
>"Harry!"<br>"Snape!"  
>"Harry!"<br>"Snape!"  
>"Harry!"<br>"SNAPE!"  
>"HARRY!"<p>

"DUMBLEDORE!"

"Hermione!"

"DUMBLEDORE!"

"_Harry potter, I'm Harry Potter, I'm Harry Potter, I am Harry Potter!_"

"_SINGING A SONG! ALL DAY LONG AT HOOOGGGGWAAAARTS!_"

"I found the source of the ticking! It's a pipe bomb!"

"YAAA-"

BOOM!

"Mwahahahahahaha!" Melina stood up, laughing, dressed up as Voldemort. "_Voldemort, Voldemort, ooh Voldy, Voldy, Voldy, Voldemort!_"

Then they all stood up and bowed. Everyone clapped.

"We'll do two more of these, if we can." Melina said, and I nodded. I recognised it from Youtube, but I didn't mind. They were funny.

Justin and Lisa swapped costumes, and Livia gave hers to Melina before Justin dropped down and Lisa and Terry stood up.

"The Vortex." Livia said from the sidelines; and I realised she wasn't in this one.

"In slow motion the flowers fell from my hand and shattered like glass," Terry drawled in a Snape-ish tone, "I looked into the mirror; I was a beautiful milkmaid. Then I woke up crying, and I don't know why."

"Well I once had a dream that I was a baby pig living on a farm, OINK OINK OINK!" Grinned Lisa, and we all laughed.

"No, you don't understand, it was a life-changing vision," Terry protested slowly, "I may never be the same- ARGH!" Justin had run towards Lisa and Terry and pushed Terry down in the proscess. His eyes were wide with pretend worry.

"Proffessor Dumbledore, we need your help! Magical emergency!" He gasped. I wondered what had happened, and if it had anything to do with the title.

"Oh boy, lets go!" Lisa sounded as if there was nothing wrong, but we all guessed there was. They both ran off, to where there was a curtain and Melina stood as me. A light shone at the top of the curtain.

"Professor! Ron's trapped in an alternate dimension!" Melina gasped.

"Oh not again." Lisa rolled her eyes.

"Oh it's the most terrible thing," Ernie called from behind the curtain in the same high-pitched Ron voice as before, "It tickles in all the wrong ways!

"This wouldn't happen if he weren't so fat." Justin commented, and Ron put down his cupcake sadly. I laughed out loud and tapped him comfortingly on the shoulder. "What should we do Proffessor?"

"Mm... Fetch me the problem stick." Lisa told Justin, and Justin rushed off.

"I think I'm going through puberty!" Cried Ernie. I laughed again.

"Don't go into the light, Ron!" Melina called to him.

"Here it is!" Justin ran back in with a very large tree branch and gave it quickly to Lisa.

"Ah, yes, my old friend. Let's see if I still remember how to do this..." Lisa grinned, before poking the curtain and it fell down, revealing Ernie in a biker's jacket on the floor.

"Are you okay Ron?" Justin asked, tapping him on the arm. Ernie got up, and smirked.

"Are you kidding me?" He said in a deep voice, "Harry, I've never felt better!" As well as the black jacket, he wore dark sunglasses. I had to admit, he looked like a combination between goofy, and cool. "I'm a man now." I could have laughed again. This was so funny! "S'up Hermione?"

"Oh, Ron." Melina blushed, trying not to giggle, and I laughed.

"It's Ronaldo now!" Ernie corrected. Me and Harry burst into laughter. "Wassup Dumbledore?"

"WOW!" Lisa said, "You're much cooler than Harry!" Harry stopped laughing aruptly; he and Justin shared an expression of sheer horror. I laughed even more.

"... What?" Justin questioned quietly.

"Let's have a beach party- IN LONDON!" Ernie declared and he, Lisa and Melina started dancing goofily to some random music they'd found online. Justin stood there in the middle of it all, frozen in shock, horror, and disbelief.

"No! NO!" Justin suddenly yelled, and the music stopped, "Petuatalius Shrinkydinky!" He cast at Ernie, and Ernie gave a high-pitched shriek. The glasses and jacket disapeared. Inwardly I groaned, I was begining to _like_ that outfit on him.

"I rule the school, you hear?" Justin said, advancing on the now unmature Ernie. "I'm top dog! No one can have more testosterone then me! Cuz I'm..." He breathed hard, "Harry..." Breathe... "Potter, I'm the boy who lived, I'M HARRY POTTER!" He paused, "Okay?" He said the last bit quietly, as if convincing himself it was. I laughed. It reminded me so much of the time that Harry had lost it back in third year, after finding out about Sirius.

"I'm so... Sorry, Harry." Ernie trembled, pretending to be scared of him.

"Well good! Now let's have a dance party- IN LONDON!" He commanded and the music began to play again, speeding up. He was the only one dancing, "Yeah! Harry potter! Yeah! Harry Potter! Mm! That's me!" Then, to our delight, he began to sing.

"_My name is Harry Potter,  
>I'm the king of the school,<br>I'm better than anybody,  
>In the school!<br>I'm hip and I'm awesome,  
>All the girls know my name,<br>H-H-Harry Pot-Potter,  
>That is my name!<em>

_Harry Potter,  
>Harry Potter,<br>_Do the shoobydoowaps!" Justin ordered at Melina and Ernie.

"_Soobydoowap! Shoobydowap!"_

"_I defeated Lord Voldemort,  
>When I was a baby!<br>I was even awesome,  
>When I was a baby!<br>Both my parents died,  
>When I was a baby,<br>I grew up abused,  
>Without any love!<em>

_Harry Potter,_"

"_Shoobydoowap!_"

_"Harry Potter,"_

_"Shoobydoowap!"_

_"Harry Potter!"_

_"Shoobydoowap! Shoobydoowap!"_

_"THAT'S ME!_" Justin breathed for a while, while the whole hall applauded and clapped and laughed. Harry began hitting his head on the desk in humiliation. "You guys are my best friends, you know that?"

"Oh, Harry," Melina grinned.

"You're gonna be alright, Harry, Me boy!" Lisa sobbed fakely, "Yes," And she hugged Justin.

"We'll always love you, Harry!" Melina gushed, hugging him as well.

"I love you too Harry-" Began Ernie, going to hug him, but Justin stopped him.

"Loose some weight before you hug me Ron!" Justin snapped. We all laughed again, as they bowed a third time. Then Livia began to struggle into a potato suit, but everyone froze when the doors flung open and Blaise Zabini and Pansy Parkinson marched in, dragging a cursing Draco Malfoy behind them. Upon seeing the albino ferret, Melina turned, ushered to her group, and whispered something to her group. They all nodded, laughing, and got Livia out of her potato suit. Then she slinked over to the judge panel.

"Is it okay if we change our act a... little?" Melina asked us, and I nodded. "Brill!" She hopped back over to her group, stole the Harry Potter outfit from Justin, and walked out to where they were performing. Justin, now wearing a blonde wig, sat down on her lap, looking like a puppet. Draco Malfoy looked up and almost screamed, wide eyed.

"Hello, I'm Harry Potter! I've been reading your Youtube comments!" Melina began. "And though most of you seem to be completly impressed with the quality of my work, I've noticed one reccuring request. Many of you have asked for a Draco Malfoy Puppet. What a wonderfull idea! I took it upon myself to bring this amazing concept into action. Here he is!" A sliding noise was made, and Justin looked up. "Say hello, Draco!"

"_Hello, Draco._" Justin said in a high voice a bit like Melina's, while Melina mouthed the words.

"No, say hello to the audiance!" Melina grinned.

"_Hello to the audiance!_" Justin mocked.

"How dare you make a fool of me." We all laughed, bah Draco Malfoy who was looking at the two with pure, raging hatred... With a bit of mild embarassment. "Why don't you tell them a little about yourself Draco?" Now he was staring again, in shock horror.

"Hello. I'm Draco Malfoy." Justin sneered, "I'm totally rich! And I'm really proud that I'm a pureblooded white... I mean wizard! He he he..." We all laughed again, while Malfoy groaned audibly. We laughed harder.

"Ha ha ha ha!" Melina faked a laugh. "What a wonderful person!" We laughed again at the ironicness. "Let's learn some more about Draco!" She pushed him off his lap, where the rest of them came on. I could tell they'd used a costume changer charm, to be able to change when the time came. We had a hamster... We had a toothbrush and toothpaste... A honey jar and a French artist. I wondered why they were dressed like that. A microphone appeared on the side of the stage and Melina walked up to it. Music began to play.

"_Draco likes Hamsters!_" Melina sang, and Terry, who was dressed as the hamster, nibbled on Justin's wig.  
>"<em>Draco likes Honey!<em>" Lisa poured some honey all over him while dressed as a honey jar,  
>"<em>Draco likes toothpaste!<em>" Ernie scrubbed Justin's honey-covered teeth while Luna did a funny toothpaste jig, humming.

"_Ch ch ch ch ch ch!_" She hummed.

"_Draco likes Money!_" Every one turned into coins and threw money at Justin. It clung to his honeyness.  
>"<em>Draco likes Facepaints!<em>" Livia, now back as her French Artist, painted a clown face on Justin, humming as well.

"_Du doo du doo du doo!_" She beatboxed.

"_Draco likes Plires!_" Luna turned into some pliers and started bashing repeatedly into Justin.  
>"<em>Draco likes bowling!<em>" They were now all pins, and Melina ran and pushed Justin down like he was a bowling ball to them. I watched as he cleared them.

"STRIKE!" Countless of us yelled, while Malfoy started to bang his head on a wall.

"_Draco likes cartwheels!_" Ernie and Terry spun him around.

"_Draco likes FIRE!_" Melina grinned evilly as she revealled a chef suit, and shoved Justin in a fake oven. Fake flames came out as she whistelled happily. "Done." She took out a roasted puppet Malfoy. We all clapped and cheered. Malfoy screamed to the heavens.

"We mean it." Justin said, climbing back out of the fake oven and tossing the wig out into the crowd. Oddly, it landed on Malfoy's screaming head. "Uh... I MEANT to do that..."

"So what did you think?" Livia asked. I looked at Harry, Ron and Dumbledore, who were sitting next to me.

"I thought it was hilarious!" I told them.

"I agree, it was very funny." Dumbledore agred.

"Well I don't think I'm that fat," Ron said, picking his cupcake back up.

"It was brilliant, we'll get back to you."

The auditions went along something like the first, and we finnally finished at 11 at night, at which we sent everyone back to their common rooms. Dumbledore took us up to his office, where we would discuss who would play who.

**A/N: There you have it, and also a repeat of my plea for help just in case people wanted to review the two in one: PLEASE help me get characters to play the play characters (that's confusing!)**

**Please review!  
><strong>

**Comix**


	4. A Very Overdue Library Book and Apology

**A/N:**** Hey guys… Don't shoot me, please? Even if you may really, really want to? I haven't updated this story in ages… I know… I'm angry at me too… But I've kind of lost a bit of inspiration for the story, mainly to do with the fact that I have to write most of the play so I can work out who's playing who, which I am trying my best to do…**

**I pledge to you, those who are actually still reading this story (I wouldn't blame you if you didn't, looking at the last time I updated), that this will become my number one priority. I will spend all my free time I have when the computer is available writing the actual play, and when I cannot have the computer, I will try and think of the plot line.**

**I am hereby creating a deadline for me to aim for… Um… By the 24****th**** of August I will get back to you with… at least something.**

**(Forgive me, however, if most of my time on the computer until the 5****th**** July is spent on Pottermore… the House Cup is getting to me… I mean, I would feed myself to Aragog's children for that Cup, and we're in frickin' third place!)**

**Sorry!**

**Comix**


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